Cinnamon Rolls: A learning experience.

Ninety Minute Cinnamon Rolls

• 3/4 cup milk (Check, pink label milk in the fridge)
• 1/4 cup margarine, softened ("I can't believe it's not butter" in a tub will do, right?)
  
• 3 1/4 cups all-purpose flour (I suppose it's all purpose, I mean I use it for anything that calls for flour...)
  
• 1 (.25 ounce) package instant yeast (Why can't I just buy one package at the store? Why do I get 3?)
  
• 1/4 cup white sugar (Why does it have to be white? )
  
• 1/2 teaspoon salt (Sure, why not.)
  
• 1/4 cup water (Good thing I paid the water bill this morning.)
  
• 1 egg (Small, medium, large, or extra large? Normal or free range? Brown or white? BE MORE SPECIFIC!)
  
• 1 cup brown sugar, packed (Yes! I knew we weren't discriminating!)
  
• 1 tablespoon ground cinnamon (Do I have to grind it myself or do they sell it like that)
  
• 1/2 cup margarine, softened (Didn't I already check margarine off my list?)
  
• 1/2 cup raisins (optional) (Yeah, definitely not opting for this one.)

• Heat the milk in a small saucepan until it bubbles, then remove from heat. Mix in margarine; stir until melted. Let cool until lukewarm. (Isn't warm milk spoiled milk? How much of the margarine am I stirring in? All of it? What temperature is lukewarm, exactly? Who's Luke and what does he have to do with the temperature of my milk and margarine mixture?)

• In a large mixing bowl, combine 2 1/4 cup flour, yeast, sugar and salt; mix well. Add water, egg and the milk mixture; beat well. Add the remaining flour, 1/2 cup at a time, stirring well after each addition. When the dough has just pulled together, turn it out onto a lightly floured surface and knead until smooth, about 5 minutes. (Well, I just killed my mixer trying to "beat" the mixture "well". It started smoking, I'm sure that's not a good sign to have 15 minutes into this project. What motions does kneading entail? Are my hands supposed to hurt? I didn't ask for manual labor, I just want to make some damn breakfast deliciousnesses.)
  

• Cover the dough with a damp cloth and let rest for 10 minutes. Meanwhile, in a small bowl, mix together brown sugar, cinnamon, softened margarine. (Do I get to rest too? After that kneading I think I'm going to need a damp cloth and some rest. More margarine??? Didn't I use all of it earlier? Good lord, I'm failing miserably.)
  

• Roll out dough into a 12x9 inch rectangle. Spread dough with margarine/sugar mixture. Sprinkle with raisins if desired. Roll up dough and pinch seam to seal. Cut into 12 equal size rolls and place cut side up in 12 lightly greased muffin cups. Cover and let rise until doubled, about 30 minutes. Preheat oven to 375 degrees F (190 degrees C). (Now seriously, do I need a ruler for this portion? Like, do the measurements of the dough rectangle need be exact? There seems to be a lot of exact measurements required in this section. I don't do measurements, I wing it. Oh! American Idol just came on, I'm not sure I want to complete this project. This should be interesting.)
  

• Bake in the preheated oven for 20 minutes, or until browned. Serve warm. (Well, they're "browned" alright. I guess we can just pick off the black spots. C'est la vie.)